Empathy is Empowering

Believe it or not, there's an opportunity here.

It can be hard to feel empowered when you feel mistreated, dismissed, or disrespected by a lawyer. One moment, you're having a conversation; the next, you sense tension or find yourself in a full-blown conflict.

Why? Lawyers are direct. Lawyers have all the answers. Lawyers move fast. Take your pick.

How about this?: Lawyers have bad days, too.

I don't know about you, but I find it harder to feel victimized by someone I empathize with or even pity. When I no longer feel victimized, I can usually find the necessary space in which to move forward to meet all parties' needs.

We Have Options

When faced with a sudden flare-up simply for doing your job, try this: imagine the worst day that lawyer could be having.

• They lost a major ruling and the client relationship is in jeopardy.

• The deal they've been working on all year is suddenly threatened because of a detail the lawyer overlooked months ago.

• They've had a terrible argument with their spouse or partner, and their relationship may even be ending.

• Their child is struggling, creating messy interruptions to the lawyer's day.

• They don't like practicing law, and they feel stuck, and perhaps even angry or depressed.

None of these excuse bad behavior. But they do add perspective to your tense conversation.

Power dynamics in law firms often lead MBD pros to assume we are out of options. Especially if tensions are high, it can be hard to see diverse or creative paths to lead a lawyer through conflict. Too often, the only way out is retreat or acquiescence, even when we know there are better marketing or BD choices available.

The lawyer before you is probably just trying to get what they want with a minimum of time or effort. They don't want to spend another moment on the issue at hand. Yet here we are, pushing back, seeking more info, and suggesting alternatives.

It's Not About Us—And That's a Good Thing

When I imagine a lawyer is struggling with something bigger than the conversation at hand, I instantly feel relief. It's not about me. I'm not actually under attack (even though I may feel attacked).

With this realization comes a rebalancing. Rather than argue, I find space to ask, "How can I help this lawyer today?"

Once you've harnessed empathy to create operating space in a tense situation, ask this key question: "Is success this exact thing that we are arguing about, or is success a condition or set of circumstances that you think this thing will lead to?"

Maybe the key question is different for you. It could be, "What do you hope this will achieve?" or, "How will we measure success?"

Any of these questions invite a lawyer to share more context, rather than simply volleying back and forth. Their answers offer insight into the lawyer's motivations. You can then brainstorm alternatives that work for everyone—without locking deeper into conflict.

Then ask, "If we can create those same conditions or circumstances another way, would you be open to that?"

Getting to this question is key to leading through the conflict. In tense moments, empathy can be the tool that unblocks emotions and creates space to move forward.